This is the story of a rock. Not a metaphorical rock. And we could argue whether the rock would more accurately be called a stone, or a boulder. And I just made a note in my journal to write a post in the future about rocks, stones, and boulders, specifically the characteristics of each and how they got their names, for my “curiosity” category here at The TaxPoodle – where we answer the questions you didn’t even know needed to be asked. But back to our rock, and its journey that began 34 years ago in 1991 in Big Tujunga Canyon in the Angeles National Forest.

Young Matthew (a.k.a. TaxPoodle) had recently left the Franciscan Order and been hired by Larson Sound Center, an independent audio postproduction facility founded by former employees of Todd-AO/Glen Glenn Sound.  At Larson, one of the first coworkers to befriend him was Randy, the apprentice to the dialogue editor on Cheers who would go on to become the dialogue editor on the Cheers spinoff Frasier for 11 seasons.  Randy had recently purchased a rundown ranch in Topanga Canyon in need of much repair, and one of the first projects he tackled was building a retaining wall to shore up a small section of hillside that was encroaching on his property; in order for the retaining wall to blend in with the wild beauty of Topanga Canyon, he knew he’d have to build it out of something “natural.”  Matthew had hiked the Big Tujunga Canyon many times with his dad, and suggested Randy build his wall out of the large boulders found in its stream.

As I wrote that last sentence, it occurred to me that a group of rocks might be referred to using the collective noun boulders, but ‘boulders’ is plural and collective nouns are always singular.

And as I wrote that last sentence, it occurred to me that someone is going to email me an example of a collective noun that is not singular after they read this post, thus disproving (usually done with smug satisfaction) an assertion I’ve made. Go on then, I await your emails.

So, ignoring the fact that it was within a national forest and removing anything naturally occurring there was against federal law, Randy and Matthew set out for Big Tujunga Canyon at 2 o’clock one morning with nothing but a wheelbarrow, a boom box, and Rush’s album 2112 on cassette.  They hiked about a mile up the canyon, filled the wheelbarrow with boulders, hiked back out and emptied the wheelbarrow into Randy’s truck, and then repeated this process until the sun began to appear over the horizon.

So Randy offered Matthew one as a souvenir – and this became known as “Matthew’s Rock.”  Today, in addition to being a multiple Emmy winning television sound editor, Randy and his wife operate a sanctuary for abandoned and unwanted senior dogs on the ranch.

Throughout the 90s and into the early 2000s, Matthew’s Rock followed Matthew to three different apartments in Silverlake, where Matthew worked from home writing the computer code for what became Larson Sound Center’s proprietary scheduling and accounting software, OpsPro.  This photo shows Matthew’s home office in 1995 on Waverly Drive in Silverlake; Matthew’s Rock can be seen at the bottom right.

But when AIDS got the better of Matthew in 2006, Matthew’s Rock, and all of Matthew’s belongings, was/were moved to his parents’ house in Glendale, and after Matthew was discharged from Cedars Sinai Medical Center and retired to Palm Springs, his brush with death had been so traumatic that he didn’t want anything that reminded him of his life before he’d been hospitalized.  And so, for the last two decades, Matthew’s Rock adorned the backyard of Bob and Mary Wilkinson’s house.  Over the years, Matthew longed to be reunited with his beloved rock that had been with him on his rollercoaster of a life since he was 25.

“The Volunteers” are a group of amazing men and women who give generously and without thought to recompense for their time to those of us here at the homo home – Stonewall Gardens Assisted Living. There’s Jim the Tech Guy who comes every Wednesday to answer iPhone (and yes, Android) questions and show people how to erase their browsing history and empty their Internet cache so no one can see what they’ve been looking at online. I think “the tech guy” is his actual surname, as no one says “is Jim coming today,” they invariably say “is Jim the tech guy coming today?” Danielle not only donated the electric piano in our dining room but comes and plays it every Thursday afternoon for our weekly “Cheese & Chat” social – hey, that’s today! Chuck is the all-arounder (and a fellow dog lover): he’s there for our popular “Mexican Train” dominoes extravaganza every Wednesday afternoon, board games like Scrabble on other afternoons, he takes notes at Resident Council meetings and turns them into Minutes, and he’s keen to just sit and visit with you if you like. Henry calls B.I.N.G.O. every other Tuesday. And there are a few more whose names don’t immediately come to mind. Which leaves Curt and Richard, a couple who are Stonewall’s “longest-serving” volunteers (can’t say “oldest,” because that makes them sound old, which they are, but you can’t say that!). They host B.I.N.G.O. with California Lottery Scratch cards as prizes on alternating Tuesdays (where you literally could win hundreds or thousands of dollars – top prize on a scratcher so far is $400!), and assist the staff when we go on outings, helping us on and off our transport bus, navigating restaurants and public spaces with the assortment of wheelchairs and walkers that accompany us in public. Curt is a talented artist who has contributed much of the art which adorns our dining room walls (and my own), and Richard knows a thing or two about computers and can help you figure out why you can’t connect to the Internet and get access to see that “Sexy Australian Koalas in Bondage” website, er, ahem…I mean CNN.com.

Curt and Richard offered to drive me on a pilgrimage to retrieve Matthew’s Rock from Glendale and bring it home to Palm Springs, where it has taken up residence in front of my apartment at Stonewall Gardens and presides like a sentinel – welcoming everyone but warding off evildoers.  Matthew hopes he and his rock, and Gordon, will live here at Stonewall for many years, thus the title of this post, “Rock of Ages” – see what I’ve done there? My apologies in advance to the Christians who use the same appellation for the son of their deity. I suspect there will be emails.

To that end, Matthew has renamed the rock.  I present the newly rechristened… Stonewall Stone.