Let the message go forth, from this place of digital congress, to every town and hamlet in the land. Let it be spoken on the highways and the byways, in the town square, and wherever people of good will gather.
Yea verily and forsooth, the TaxPoodle doth proclaim, on this the fifteenth day of the fifth month of the year two thousand and twenty-four, great and joyful tidings that in the day just past, A POODLE was crowned Best in Show at the 148th annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, besting over 2,500 dogs of more than 200 different breeds.
Let joy be unbridled. Let merrymaking know no limits. Let an octave of bacchanalian feasting commence. I say we kill the fatted calf. I present to you Sage…
While a Chihuahua has never won Best in Show, Gordon and I have been glued to the competition in New York since last Saturday as it was just last year that two Arizona Chihuahuas, Hotrod and Cidney, from the Chihuahua Club of Greater Phoenix won Long Coat Chihuahua Best of Variety and Smooth Coat Chihuahua Best of Variety, respectively. For Hotrod, it was his second Best of Variety win! He last took the crown back in 2017. Without a Chihuahua in the finals, we turned our attention to Sage, the Miniature Poodle who took top honors in the Non-Sporting Group before going on to win Best in Show.
Sage’s win is a victory for Poodles everywhere. It will help us overcome as a nation our dark legacy of antipoodleism and silence the antipoodleites who perpetuate hateful stereotypes such as characterizing all Poodles as being “fru fru” and not to be taken seriously. You will find Poodles in all walks of life, contributing greatly to society, and you will find we are not all named Gigi. Or Bonbon.
It doesn’t matter what size of Poodle it is, standard, toy, klein, miniature, or teacup, the Poodle, called the Pudel in German and the Caniche in French, is hyper-intelligent. Often dismissed as just an attractive domestic pet, and suffering greatly under the bigotry of low expectations, Poodles actually hold second place (narrowly bested by the Border Collie) in the rankings for most intelligent breed. Poodles excel at cognitive and emotional intelligence; they are quick to pick up on what someone is feeling at any given moment. They have been employed during wartime to help deliver supplies for soldiers on battlefields, jobs that require decision-making, quick learning, focus, and obedience.
In a tremendous and characteristic show of class, Sage and her handler, Kaz Hosaka, celebrated their victory by shaking the hands of their competitors’ owners.
Sage’s victory is a milestone in our plan for total world domination by 2035, as outlined in our Mattifesto: P.A.W.S. – Poodles Acceding to Worldwide Supremacy – published shortly after I was consecrated as Poodle-in-Chief, Lord Keeper of the Biscuits, First Admiral of the Poodlery, and Supreme Poodle, though we try to keep things informal and “accessible,” so you may refer to me as TaxPoodle. Our goal is to bring about peace and respect amongst all peoples, as well as social harmony by means of establishing a poodleocracy wherein all my subjects will Swiffer their floors at least once daily and position all the items in their refrigerators with the brand name facing the same direction. And it will be illegal to aid and abet, harbor, or otherwise give safe haven to a cat.