As we brace ourselves for four more years of racist white supremacists like Stephen Miller, a man who always looks like he just ate a baby, occupying senior un-elected positions in the White House advising the man we did elect in probably the greatest act of self-harm imaginable for our country in its history, our allies around the world are racing to figure out how to deal with a friend turned threat. Anyone who has ever endured one of those 3-day offsites corporations like the one that previously employed me send managers on so we can learn how to “pivot to a solve with actionable deliverables” from a “motivational speaker” who also has an online business selling juice made from pomegranates that is guaranteed to help you live longer, knows that rule number one is “the best defense is a good offense.”
And you know who else knows this? Canada.
I live in a city that is overrun by Canadians six months out of every year. We have a slang name for them – the “SnowBirds” – but I think they are officially called “seasonal residents” because there was a checkbox for that next to “address” on a new patient form I had to fill out in a doctor’s office. They come down from their frozen ice cube of a country with its maple syrup listening to Anne Murray cassettes and taking up all the good parking spots during our mild, idyllic winters, then return to their country when it thaws out in the summer and we year-rounders here in the California desert endure temperatures like those found on the sun.
I actually like Canadians and am fortunate enough to count a few as my friends (Brian, we really are long overdue for lunch at Billy Reed’s – call me!). I’m a huge fan of a rock band from Canada (Rush from Toronto, not Bachman–Turner Overdrive from Winnipeg), and I’m not a big whiskey drinker but if I’m forced I’ll order a Canadian Club® on the rocks (which was my Aunt Ann’s drink, and she was really cool). I’ve never been to Canada, but I’ve flown over it on my way to Alaska. It looks nice, from 30,000 feet anyway.
Our silly, petty and petulant, man-child of a president-elect, soon to take office, seems to think Canada (and Greenland, and the Panama Canal) is up for grabs. He might want to check with the Canadian government, and it’s worth pointing out that Canada is one of 14 other sovereign Commonwealth countries of Britain, and though he is represented by the governor general, a person appointed on the advice of the elected prime minister of the Canadian parliament, Charles III, as monarch of all Commonwealth countries, is not only King of the United Kingdom but of Canada as well. Saying you want to annex Canada is an attack on the sovereignty of our supposedly greatest ally.
But Canada has a plan. In fact, they’ve had one since 1921. It’s called Defense Scheme #1 and outlines the operational logistics necessary to invade the United States. This was not a plan to conquer territory for king and country in some sort of North American land grab, but was a contingency to be deployed in case they discovered that the US was plotting to annex Canada, an idea that seemed ludicrous until it was floated by the incoming president.
What would cause Canada to fear such an unlikely scenario? Well, the year was 1921, and in the post-WWI era geopolitical alliances had not solidified into the Axis vs. Allied powers of the Second World War or the east/west, communism/democracy divide of the Cold War. On the chance that the United States and Great Britain found each other on opposite sides, a conflict with Canada, as a part of the British Empire, isn’t impossible to imagine. It is unlikely, but it is not outside the realm of possibility. And the other thing you learn in those corporate management seminars is to be proactive – don’t wait for something to happen and then respond (which would be “reactive management”), rather, take the time to assess the situation and develop a plan even if you never have to use it.
Canada had its Defense Scheme #1, a plan created by Canadian Director of Military Operations and Intelligence Lieutenant Colonel James “Buster” Sutherland Brown, the operational paradigm of which was to create havoc and put the US on the defensive allowing time for Canada to prepare its war effort and to receive aid from Britain. According to the plan, Canadian flying columns stationed in Pacific Command in western Canada would be sent to seize Seattle, Spokane, and Portland, while troops stationed in Canada’s Prairie Command would be sent to attack Great Falls and Fargo, from there moving on to Minneapolis, as troops from Ontario penetrated the midwestern parts of America by way of Detroit and troops from Quebec would seize Albany, while maritime troops would attack Maine. When resistance from US forces to the Canadians grew, they would retreat to their own borders, destroying roads, bridges, and railways as they did to hinder pursuit and thwart an invasion.
Lt. Col. “Buster” Brown even scouted out the eastern prong of their invasion plan:
Brown even undertook some very informal (though probably grossly illegal) reconnaissance missions in and around Vermont, near the border – scoping out bridges, locks and railroad lines, and chatting with locals in taverns. Lippert’s telling of these missions and their reports are the most amusing parts of a dark alternate historical scenario. Brown apparently found Vermonters to be “fat and lazy but pleasant and congenial,” and suspected there were “large and influential numbers of American citizens … [who are] not altogether pleased with democracy and have a sneaking regard for Great Britain, British Law, and Constitution, and general civilization.” He suspected alcohol-deprived Americans might welcome their new Canadian overlords, and the barrels of illegal Canadian whiskey they’d bring with them.
Andy Sturdevant, “What if Canada had acted on its 1921 Defense Scheme No. 1 and invaded the U.S.?” MinnPost, November 4, 2016
Brown’s description of the Americans he encountered is mostly valid today. We are fat and lazy and, if last November’s election is any indication, many of our citizens want a king, but not a British one — they want a king who does not have to face the consequences of breaking the law, who is fat and lazy, like them, and who is orange. Although, given that Prohibition is over, barrels of Canadian whiskey aren’t as enticing as they might have been back then.
Sturdevant continues:
The Canadian flying columns would have been deployed in trucks, packed with guns, explosives and soldiers. Historically, flying columns have utilized horses, though in this interstitial period between equestrian warfare and modern mechanized tank warfare, trucks seem most likely.
Defense Scheme #1 was never acted upon, but it shows Canada’s foresight as it was developed six years before War Plan Red which had been prepared by the United States Department of War during the interregnum between the two “world wars” of the 20th century (1919–1939), covering scenarios related to conflict with the British Empire.
I live in a place invaded by Canada once a year, so trucks full of Canadians pouring across the border isn’t all that alarming to me. I don’t know about the rifles, but if they’re serving drinks, is that not the most Canadian thing you’ve ever heard?
“Hi, don’t mind us, we’re from Canada, and we’re here to invade your country. Would you like a drink? We brought whiskey.”